Special
by AsrarSonya
Summary: Harrison has a lot of mixed emotions about himself and his sister. This is a psychological analysis of Harrison's feelings shown through his subconscious monologue.


**Special**

(A psychological analysis of **Harrison's** feelings and perspectives in relation to Tru, shown through his subconscious monologue)

Trouble.

All my life I've been nothing but trouble.

Wishing I could give almost as much thanks and apologies as I do trouble

To the only person in the world who overlooks it

The only person who helps me out of it

The only person who helps me avoid it

Without any complaints

Ever.

She gives me advice when I need it, even without me asking for it.

She gives me hope when I lose it, even without me thinking of it.

The confidence she fuels me with in times of hesitation, hurt and confusion helps me grow.

She loves and supports me when I am good.

She loves me even more and takes care of me when I am bad.

She believes in me.

She believes I can grow.

Without her I'm lost.

I'm nothing.

I'm nobody.

*

But why is it that I'm nobody without her?

Why do I find myself lost without her?

Why is it that with being her little brother, the emphasis is on 'little'?

Why am I always in her shadow?

When is it time for me to be somebody?

To be chosen for something?

To be special?

So what if I didn't get the fancy education that she got?

Life is the best school, is it not?

I had been out there pushing, struggling

Frequently stealing and gambling to make a living.

While she was drowned in books, running tracks or talking to the dead.

So what if I'm a bit demanding, somewhat needy, slightly clingy?

So what if she thinks I'm selfish and materialistic?

Doesn't matter what she thinks.

Does it?

Only matters what I think

What I know

What I decide

And I have decided to make a change

To be better

To be stronger.

I wonder if she'll ever know that I'm jealous of her strength

Of her power

Of her gift

I wonder why I wasn't the one

Favored

Unique

Special.

*

Special

What makes her so special that mom and the universe chose her to relive days?

To save lives?

To give new hope?

Could it be because of her stability?

And a sense of responsibility?

I could do that

Someday

I can be that

Someday

And I know I will

Someday

But I guess the universe could not wait much longer

And needed to take action sooner.

She is my sister

I love her

But she is superior

And by the natural course of things that makes me feel inferior.

I do admit that she deserves to be superior

To have that power.

She cares about everyone's feelings

She gives so much of herself

She keeps cool even when frustrated

She forgives when it is not deserved

She is the firm base in this family

Everything she does she marks with excellence

And never settles for less.

I lie to save myself

She lies to save a life

Any life

She is grounded

She is real

She is selfless.

*

Selfless is what makes her unique

Qualified

Special.

Being selfless is what I love most about her

Is what kept her there for me

In spite of me.

With her I can be whining

I can be a dork

I can me myself without having to worry about being judged or loved any less.

With dad and others I feel the need to try and impress.

She taught me a lot

And to my darkness she brought light.

I take care of her

She takes care of me.

That's how a brother and a sister are supposed to be.

She's been the greatest sister

Even the mother, the father and the brother I never had.

She's been all of that and more

She's been my best friend.

Amazing how her gift never changed her

She is still good old Tru

Maybe with an added quality or two

*

So if I arrogantly ever again question what makes her so special

All I would need is a reminder of how I truly feel deep down in my core

Way beneath false jealousy.

How she makes me feel grand without me deserving it.

How she believes that everyone is special.

How she makes everyone believe that they are special.

She is my hero

My idol

The happiest day is the day I make her proud.

With her I stand tall

With her I feel safe

I feel secure

I feel grounded

I feel loved

I feel special.

I trust her with my life

I am proud of her

She is my sister

She is my friend

She is Tru.

The End


End file.
